so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
