i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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