i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
