Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am naked and annoyed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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