i wish my penis had a tongue
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
