there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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