Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
