I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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