she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
