"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Let's get the cat blown out
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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