Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
