I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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