I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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