my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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