I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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