THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
