There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
