You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize