I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This house was built for laser tag.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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