I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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