so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
