That's when you crack a 10am beer
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
