Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
