The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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