Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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