bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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