just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
