Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
