i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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