just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
