I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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