I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My feet surprised me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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