I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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