wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's the barista slut.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
