Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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