I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize