I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
