can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
