In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
