I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
