No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
In America we eat man semen.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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