It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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