how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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