my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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