You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
