were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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