I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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