I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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