Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
