he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
