so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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