what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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