So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
