i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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