Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
