I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize