i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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