Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
