I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
