I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
