My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
