i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
