her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You were trust falling into bushes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
