he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
