You can't special order awesome
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
